My Life Would Suck Without You

My Life Would Suck Without You - Kelly Clarkson
I can't stop listening to this song. Seriously,
this is me and Greg's relationship sung by Kelly.
To top it, guess who are going to be seeing her
at Universal Studios Mardi Gras on March 28th?
Cristina, Corie, Maya, Greg and I. I didn't
know until yesterday that Greg likes Kelly C's
music.




So yesterday Greg finally came over to speak with my
parents. I already told you guys that my mom wanted
an apology from him. I don't really know if she even
let him speak enough, but all I know is that she spoke
HARSHLY and even YELLED at him. What I am still
mad about is the fact that she mentioned the whole
self-injury and suicide issue. Yes, it is true that I cut
SEVEN TIMES in my left arm the days that everything
exploded and lead us to the break up, but she didn't have
to be so harsh and bring that us. I know she was doing it
to protect me and to let him know to never hurt me like
he did, but there's no need for that now.



So we are taking it really slow right now. We act like we
are a couple at times but truly we are more like friends.
WE ARE FRIENDS! He isn't looking for a relationship
at the moment and trustfully, neither am I, but I am not
going to start dating anyone at the moment because I am
very loyal and faithful to my feelings, and my feelings are
all for Greg. He knows this and surprisingly enough, he
does have feelings for me still. Not as strong as mine are,
but they are there. It's hard to look at him as a friend now,
but sooner or later we are going to attempt to establish a
healthy relationship like the one we had back in March.
Though, truly, I think it is now when we are going to get
stronger since we are not jumping in the relationship wagon
right up from this moment. We talk, we fuck, we make jokes,
but at the same time we are friends and even though we are
friends we have a bunch of imperfections that we are trying
to get rid off too. We want to finish school, that is reason
number one for us to actually not be in a relationship. As soon
as both of us are done with the schooling we are doing, we
might try things again. We have a year to decide if we want to
stick together and be what we used to be or stay as friends
and perhaps date other people. Then again, chances are that we
will end up together; we have too many bonds with each other,
bonds that can't be broken.



So my mother has set a few rules to us. Of course, me being the
headstrong person that I am, will break these rules every now
and then. First there is the rule of us only seeing each other while
my parents are at home. She is doing this so we don't have sex and
not have the fiasco that we had last summer of me having a scare,
which I did had again. That last few months I was thinking I was
pregnant. I even had two positive tests. I either was and lost the
baby again, or just had a scare. Most likely I had another loss
since I had two positive tests. I am not crying about it because I
already went through this before. Whatever, in a couple of years I
am so going to try again. All I know is that I am forcing myself to
take the medication I need to take to bring my period back and I am
going on birth control. All for my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.
Second rule is that he can't text me as much as we used to text each
other. We broke that rule today already just because he didn't
called me last night to let me know if he got home alright. The last
rule was to not call me after midnight on weekdays. Boo hoo! If I
want to talk to him I will have him call me whenever. Who is she to
be controlling my life still? That rule of not having him come over
when I am alone is so going to be broken. At least once in a while.
Once a month I like to have sex and with him. So what's the point
of that rule if I know deep inside it will be broken?



She says that she has ways to know if I have been fucking with him
or not. What, is she telling my front door neighbor to keep an eye on
me and see who is coming or going from this house? Paranoid much?
She needs to know that I am an adult and I need to be treated like one.
Because my friends do the childish thing, though I still love them to
DEATH for doing this, of taking me to Build-A-Bear to build me a
Hello Kitty I am still a child who needs to be babysat? She is so wrong!
Didn't she made mistakes at my age? I am not some little girl! I am a
woman and sometimes this woman have needs, sexual needs and I don't
want to have sex with other guys, just with Greg. At least she should
know that I am not screwing other people. That I've always had sex with
Greg and no one else. She is such a paranoid loser and it makes me sick!



My friends are other who are being a bit too much for me at the moment.
Then again, they all are doing it with the best interest in mind. I am not
some slut or whore who is always having sex with him. Like I said before,
I do admit that before yesterday we were seeing each other to just fuck,
but now things will change. To be honest, I am not going to have sex with
Greg at all in the next six months or so. I am going to give it a try to not
do anything sexual with him for that long. If in that time my parents can
begin to trust him a bit more, later on we might be able to get lucky, if you
know what I mean.I am just going to wait a little while until me and him
can start doing it again. It might suck for him, but if I was able to go from
August 2007 until March of 2008 without sex, so can he with me. I mean,
I know he is doing some other girls, especially one who is in some kind of
shaky relationship, and he is not the boyfriend, but he did told me honestly
that it is a fling what him and "Vero Beach girl" are having. He is planning
on ending it soon. So here I am, giving everything time and expecting for
this now friendship to go a little further in a few years. Let's see what will
happen.



♥Ellie♥